The fog returns

It’s been a whole week since I posted anything. I feel as if I’ve spent the week in a vacuum. Andrew’s been away since last Friday and although my dad lives with us, it has felt as though I’ve been on my own. It gave me the chance to do exactly what I wanted to do and, unfortunately, that was nothing….nothing at all. I have felt a bit like the guy Tommy who Ron wrote about on Week 18 Monday – remote. I did look after myself; showered, shopped and cooked but just as soon as I could I fled back to my bedroom where I stayed for many many hours. It felt safe. I had several evening excursions arranged with friends but ended up cancelling them with the excuse of bad weather – just so that I could stay in safety of my own cacoon.

I have questioned myself, why? I thrive on company and normally jump at the chance to meet up with friends. I am a bit bored hearing myself talking about me and my HepC – perhaps I am worrying that it is taking over my life. I have noticed that I don’t think about much else! Perhaps when I have started treatment and got myself sorted I will start a new project – learn Spanish or something – anything really to give the brain an alternative topic on which to thrive.

I felt especially hungry yesterday – even after my huge bowl of Mung Bean Stew. Professor Foster had warned me about weight loss during treatment and said that now was the time to – can’t remember his exact words but something like ‘beef’ up. I am eating very very healthily – no ‘bad’ stuff at all – and my weight remains the same. Strange that, because in previous years I would have called this a diet and weight would have dropped off almost daily. Whilst I am not losing weight, I am changing shape. I’ve noticed that I can hardly pinch an inch which is a bit of a worry because I need something to grab hold of to stick the needle into. Anyway, after all that, I made myself a slice of toast and peanut butter……that put the smile back on my face!