Friday night blues
I cried last night – big tears of frustration and a few wimpy self pity tears too without doubt.
I spent a busy Friday catching up with individual friends in town bringing them up to speed and arranging cover for dad when we’re away at Easter. I had eaten my normal healthy breakfast and late morning a toasted tea cake had crept in so that when lunch came around I wasn’t hungry. Big mistake! By late afternoon I was feeling quite uncomfortable and spent the next few hours with bad stomach pains. Anyway, I got that sorted and then the ache started. I’ve noticed it quite a lot this week actually. It’s in the right quadrant of my body and comes in waves. It moves around too. One wave might be in the shoulder blade and the next will be in my breast. The waves kept coming….
Andrew was at a business function and I tried to occupy my mind by playing bridge on the internet. It got to be very late and no sign of Andrew and before I knew it I was sobbing into my laptop. What a stupid twit – I should have just taken a paracetemol and that would have been that but I got myself into a state. Afterwards, when Andrew had come home and I had taken the fix-it pill, I could see how stupid I had been. I have been reading Paul and Jonathan’s blogs and now I know I need to make a plan of how I am going to fix things when they start to go wrong. It looks so easy as I sit and write this but last night I thought I was doomed….
I spent a busy Friday catching up with individual friends in town bringing them up to speed and arranging cover for dad when we’re away at Easter. I had eaten my normal healthy breakfast and late morning a toasted tea cake had crept in so that when lunch came around I wasn’t hungry. Big mistake! By late afternoon I was feeling quite uncomfortable and spent the next few hours with bad stomach pains. Anyway, I got that sorted and then the ache started. I’ve noticed it quite a lot this week actually. It’s in the right quadrant of my body and comes in waves. It moves around too. One wave might be in the shoulder blade and the next will be in my breast. The waves kept coming….
Andrew was at a business function and I tried to occupy my mind by playing bridge on the internet. It got to be very late and no sign of Andrew and before I knew it I was sobbing into my laptop. What a stupid twit – I should have just taken a paracetemol and that would have been that but I got myself into a state. Afterwards, when Andrew had come home and I had taken the fix-it pill, I could see how stupid I had been. I have been reading Paul and Jonathan’s blogs and now I know I need to make a plan of how I am going to fix things when they start to go wrong. It looks so easy as I sit and write this but last night I thought I was doomed….
6 Comments:
Hi Tink,
Crying can be quite cathartic, I remember before I started treatment feeling weepy all the time, finally one Saturday morning I just curled up under the duvet and sobbed my little heart out.
I don't know whether you have considered it but I find that my weekly counselling session are invaluable.
How far are you off starting treatment? I know that for me the weeks prior to starting were actually much harder than getting on and doing the deed, I managed to wind myself up and got so stressed that I made myself sick. For me fear of the unknown
was much worse than reality - hopefully the same will be true for you.
All the best.
Jonathan
By
Jonathan Colam, at 8:34 am
Dear Tink,
I believe Jonathan is correct - the anticipation and build up for treatment are extremely stressful. I found finally starting a relief.
As well, you've received pretty mind altering information about your body and your life in a very short period of time. You've been told you're positive for a disease and that you need to choose whether you are willing to take chemotherapy for a long time period. It's a disease that has a stigma attached to it and the consequences of the disease and it's treatment affect multiple aspects of your life, physical, psychological, social... it's a lot!
Like in any major change moment of our lives, we need time to adjust, to find out who "we are", with the new information melding with our old selves. Cut yourself some slack!! Have a good cry, it's normal to feel sad and confused. It is totally normal to be scared.
Do see someone for counselling if you think this would be helpful. I'm not sure who all you've told, but my husband, sisters, parents and the good friends with whom I've shared this have been invaluable support. You don't have to do this alone - ask those you love for support, you'll be amazed at how much you're loved in return.
Plus, you have all of us out here sharing what you're going through, thinking about you and hoping you're okay! We care too and we know what it's like!
Sue, Toronto
By
Anonymous, at 11:36 am
Dear Tink,
I want to back up both Jonathan and Sue's comments! I too found it much worse waiting to start.
Once you are going, you feel all sorts of side effects, all sorts of emotions, but fundamentally you know you are changing your situation, so that all the bad stuff is working towards a positive end.
The whole thing - diagnosis, coming to terms, deciding to go for treatment - it's all emotional. Once you are in treatment you will probably continue to cry - but at least you will be moving forwards in your relationship with the virus, taking charge.
How long before you start?
There are lots of people out here thinking about you and wishing you well.
Jane
By
Anonymous, at 1:25 pm
Wow,
Such friends, such good advice. Can`t add anything more except to say try not to stay up late. My nurse warned me specifically against watching late night TV.
Try not to let yourself get overtired or depleted. Your body is working overtime fighting the virus even when you are lying down
Paul.
By
Paul, at 2:38 pm
Hi Tink
Answer to the question you asked Wendy in her blog. Dose of Ribavirin. The dose of ribavirin dependence on the drug company who supplies your drug. If you are recieving Pegasy (Pegylated interferon alpha 2 a 180mcg) and Copeagus (ribavirin), then dose dose dependence on your genotype. If you are a genotype 2 or 3 you dose of ribavirin regardless of weight is 400 mg twice a day (800 mg daily). If you are genotype 1,4,5,6 you dose of ribavirin is according to your body weight >/=75 kg is 600mg once a day(1200 mg). If you are less than 75 mg dose of ribavirin 400mg/600mg once per day (1000mg once per daily).
The other company is Schering Plough and that is weight dose related both for their interferon and ribavirin regardless of the patients genotypes.
Hope I have not complicated the answer. Just leave any queries or questionas and I will try and answer it
fRIEND
By
Anonymous, at 7:18 pm
Hi Ron, thanks for the comments on the my 'achey pain'. It has been causing me concern. It was the same sort of ache that I experienced immediately after my biopsy - in the right shoulder. This ache does move around but always stays in the top right quarter of my body. I have to say, it did worry me as I half felt that perhaps something had become cancerous and I was rotting away. Anyway, the paracetemol dealt with it easily enough.
I have the counselling help set up. I am a 'bereavement cousellor' (in retirement at the moment) and my supervisor has offered a shoulder as and when I need it. I also have a phycologist colleague who is willing to help too. He has set up a support group here for people trying to cope with chronic illness and has offered to see me privately if i wish, so I will be in good hands.
Hope you've had a good relaxing and well earned weekend!
best wishes
Tink
By
Tink, at 2:45 pm
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