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Tink's journey with Hepatitis C

Monday, August 01, 2005

It's my party & I'll cry if I want to

Today is my 18th injection. Mondays seem to fly around although my weeks are full of nothing – I simply don’t know what on earth I do every day – not a lot!

Professor has gone on holiday and before he went he phoned to ask if all was ok. I told him I had been feeling a bit ‘down’ recently – not exactly depressed but heading that way. He encouraged the anti-depressant route but I am trying very hard to try alternative methods for the time being. I am taking my Wheat/barley grass tablets (which Prof said was ok) and they seem to be helping a bit. Trouble is I need to take 8 every day and sometimes I can’t stomach it – they taste dreadful and I’m not the best person in the world for taking pills. It takes me an age to get them down so truthfully speaking I am probably not taking the full dose on a regular basis. Must try harder!

Trying to analyse the ‘feeling low’, I suppose that on tx small cracks become huge craters so anything at all wrong with your life becomes a major fault. I have so many little fault lines in my world that earthquakes and tsunamis are happening regularly – or at least it seems that way. Tx too, seems to isolate you. I can’t explain it very well but I don’t have the energy or will to do the things in life that I was doing prior to tx. I havn’t exactly locked myself away or anything like that but I am reluctant, for instance, to go to play bridge these days. I do try and have a fairly ‘normal’ life like going out to parties or to dinner but I don’t have a lot to say to people – I am totally bored with talking about myself and my illness but there’s not a lot else going on for me to chat about…..

On a more positive note, it’s my birthday this week. I know at my age I should not be celebrating but what the hell. We have friends coming to stay and I’m having a birthday dinner for a few close friends. A new Italian friend (who happens to be a chef and who also had a liver transplant only last year) has offered to come and cook dinner for us so I get to enjoy it. The sun is shining, the sky is blue – what more could I ask for?