Meeting with the Professor

I flew to London last Sunday and spent 3 days shopping and catching up with old friends. The real purpose for the visit was to see Professor Foster. My red blood cell count is way down at 8.9 (the lowest it's ever been). He said that if it went lower than 8 I would have to stop tx! We did discuss this option but I am so determined to battle on - it seems such a crime to stop now when I am so close to the finishing post. The conclusion was to lower my Ribs dosage to 800 mg and hope that my red blood count comes back up in time for me to fly off to some sunshine in January. He also mentioned lots of other medication to help me through the worst of the side effects but I declined. I am not being a martyr, I just hate the thought of yet more drugs swilling around my system. My digestive system is beginning to show signs of strain and so, no, I can't take any more than I absolutely have to.

At the end of 3 days in London I was in a very sorry state - I guess I am just not used to all that socialising or shopping! I got off the plane at this end and could not even drive the car. What a sorry state of affairs.....

My next appointment with Professor Foster is not until next May when I will have completed tx for 3 months and will have the PCR test to confirm whether or not I am still clear. I am so close to to the finish post now I can taste it!

Only 12 more to go...

I've now had 3 lots of 3 hour massages and I am definitely feeling the benefit. I should have organised them a while ago but never got around to it - silly me.

So my main complaint is the depression. My 'feeling low' has gradually become far less manageable and there's no hiding the fact that it is actually real depression that I'm feeling.

I used to wake up feeling so joyful and full of life and now I'm even screaming at the cat if it as much as purrs in my ear. I usually have my blackest thoughts in the middle of the night when I have to get up to go to the loo. I go back to sleep but have depressing dreams and always wake up feeling the weight of the world on me. Professor Foster encouraged me right from the beginning to take anti-depressants if they were required. I have not taken them because I hate the thought of putting yet more chemicals inside me and also, on a normal day I am quite a compulsive/addictive person and the last thing I want is to get addicted to anti-depressants.

To be honest, it's only been this past month that I felt the full impact of the depression and some of that could have been something to do with the pain and nausea I've been experiencing. This time of year hardly helps too.....

On a more positive note, I have managed to play bridge at least twice a week and in fact, I am off to play now. I can't think of a better way of spending a wet and windy afternoon and you never know, I might even get a decent score and that would certainly cheer me up!
Must run... bye